Editor’s Note: For our Summer 2026 reading recommendation, we’re pleased to share the latest installment from Greg Buford. “Kept: An American Househusband in Cambodia,” following up on his memoirs of his family’s experiences during his wife Dana’s foreign service posts in India and France, strikes a delicate balance between his usual offbeat adventures as a trailing husband and his unwelcome exposure to the underworld of human trafficking and “sex tourism” in Southeast Asia (circa 2004-2007).
See below for his responses to our new round of Trailing-Spouse Book Club questions, related to this book and his writing process.
Q: As the spouse of a U.S. diplomat, what has been the process for getting permission to write your books? (Both officially and from your family members and anyone else mentioned in the books?)
A: Officially, if a U.S. Foreign Service Officer or employee publishes a book in their personal capacity on a matter pertaining to current U.S. foreign policy, the State Department’s mission, or which may reasonably affect U.S. foreign relations, they must receive advance approval. This requirement doesn’t apply in my case.
Otherwise, I don’t try to embarrass anyone in my books; that’s not my goal. In the event some anecdote might reflect poorly on someone, I either change the names and details to render identification of the person impossible, or ask permission. Only once have I asked someone’s permission for this reason, and it was given. I always ask folks’ permission if I mention their children by name.
Q: Which years did you spend at each of your wife’s Foreign Service (F.S.) assignments?
A: India, 2000-2002; France, 2002-2004; Cambodia, 2004-2007; Switzerland, 2007-2009; Turkmenistan, 2023-2025; and New Zealand, 2025-present.
Q: What is your process like for recalling details that you’re writing about years later?
A: My books are essentially based upon missives (email) I sent home to family and friends during those years. Long after the fact, these people insisted I organize them into a book, and there you have it. I also reach out to friends from those days and ask them what they remember about our times together. They often jog my memory, and these stories find their way into my books. These days, I journal a lot.
Q: While in Cambodia and your wife’s other posts, especially once your children were old enough to attend school, why didn’t you take one of the jobs at the U.S. embassy reserved for eligible family members, such as with the CLO (Community Liaison Office)?
I used to get asked this kind of question a lot when my children were little. And, frankly, it usually came from people who simply couldn’t wrap their heads around the idea that I was a proud homemaker and primary caregiver of my three children. I loved that work, I can’t do anything better, and I would do it all over again given the chance.
Q: Have you returned to Cambodia since you left in 2007? If so, what are your thoughts? If not, why not?
A: No, we have not returned; only because there are so many other interesting places in the world to see. I do hope to get back there one day. I’m still in touch with Sokkruen, the teen tour guide mentioned in the book. He’s now a dad of two sweet girls!
I have a number of Foreign Service friends who have cycled in and out of Cambodia since we were there, and they all tell me I will find the cityscape unrecognizable. Some of the same friends tell me that, sadly, the sex tourism industry is just as vibrant as ever.
Q: You’re currently in New Zealand due to your wife’s job with the embassy there. What prompted her to rejoin the Foreign Service, and what did the two of you do in Texas during that 12-year period when she was out? Were you tempted to try again, too?
A: Dana is with the U.S. Consulate in Auckland. When we were living in Geneva, my mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I couldn’t bear to not be present for my mother (and with her grandchildren) at that time. Dana dutifully left her job with the F.S., and we returned to Texas and tried to live a normal life. Dana worked for the state of Texas, and, after a couple of years, I left the slow lane and took paid work for Dell and, later, Austin’s transit authority.
Dana had loved her job in the F.S., and when she left I suggested to her that maybe there would be an opportunity one day for her to return to the job she loved. When our kids graduated high school and were somewhat established in life, Dana called me on my promise and re-joined the Foreign Service. I didn’t want to go — ironic when you consider the whole F.S. thing was my idea in the first place — so to sweeten the deal, Dana let me choose where we’d go. I picked Turkmenistan for the book material. Dana had never heard of the place! We loved our two years there and are also loving New Zealand.
I did try again several times to join the F.S. and was never successful. Once again, Dana passed easily on the second time around.
Q: In Cambodia, your role as a “househusband” seemed to be more surprising or difficult for your peers to comprehend than in your other posts. Why do you think that is? Are you still experiencing these types of reactions, or has it become more common now to be a male trailing-spouse in your world? Does being a published author also help?
A: I wouldn’t say there was any more weirdness about my employment status in Cambodia compared with other posts. What was nice about Cambodia was that I had Nathan, a dad in the exact same position who really understood me. To be honest, I experienced more odd questions when we returned to the States after Geneva in 2009. Our kids’ schools had a hard time calling me rather than Dana when there were issues, although they quickly learned who to call. These days, decisions like mine are more common but still fairly rare, I think. I know several stay-at-home dads and they all have stories of odd questions and uninviting baby playgroups. Here in New Zealand, I went one day to the library where there was some sort of baby-parent sing-along in progress. It was 10:10 a.m. on a Monday, and it was refreshing to see that around half of the caregivers there were men. Male homemakers seem more common here than in the U.S.
Because I’m a published author everyone who knows me knows of my former line of work. Stil, some people don’t really believe it. And today, with all our children grown and gainfully employed, I’d say I still perform the lion’s share of our family’s emotional labor that, at least in our culture, is typically performed most often by women. This sometimes elicits giggles or surprise from friends and family. I’m not suggesting Dana doesn’t pull her weight around the house; she does. We’re just different from a lot of couples, I think, and it works for us.
Q: What advice would you give to other trailing-spouse readers who would like to write about their adventures?
A: Write some every day, or as much as you can on a regular basis. Soon this exercise will become a habit, and you won’t be able to live without it. Of course, it’s hard. Start with just a little once a week and don’t worry if your writing is crap. You should see my first drafts: total crap!
Q: Do you plan to write about your family’s other posts, as well?
A: I will certainly write about our experience in Turkmenistan. It was crazy! After Geneva, my wife Dana left the Foreign Service, and we went home to Texas for twelve years. In 2023 she re-joined the Foreign Service with the promise that I could choose our next post. I picked Turkmenistan for the book material, and it delivered in spades!
Q: Is there anything you’d like to add, including any updates to your previous Q&A with us?
A: Turkmenistan turned out to be utterly remarkable in so many ways. And re-joining the F.S. after so many years and in a different season of life was an incredible journey unlike any that most folks are blessed to experience. I can’t wait to share with my readers all the fun, craziness, heartbreak and sheer wonder we discovered there.
Also, I love to attend book groups and hear from my readers. Please reach out to me on my socials or at gregorybuford.com.
Check out our previous Trailing-Spouse Book Club recommendations and author Q&As.
