Editor’s Note: This is an updated version of a post originally published in 2019. The Gupte Scale was a 15-point scoring system (five points maximum each for Destination, Timing, and Resources) from September 2019 to 2026. After reflecting on our community’s stories to date, we are recalibrating it to a 10-point system: three points maximum each for Destination, Timing, and Resources — and an additional one point for “Outlook.” Our team is currently in the process of reviewing older posts to update their scores, in partnership with the authors; the language in italics below reflects the updated version.
As you begin your journey as a trailing spouse, it’s useful to consider where you fall on the Gupte Scale: Destination + Timing + Resources + Outlook.
As you set out for Ithaka hope your road is a long one, full of adventure, full of discovery.
Think about it. In your wildest dreams, where would you most love to live? Yet you’d grit your teeth while moving there if the timing were all wrong or you lacked the resources — financial or emotional — for a smooth transition and support system. The same goes for if your move had the perfect timing or limitless support, but you absolutely hated your new address.
It’s the journey AND the destination. (And the timing. And the resources. And your general outlook.)
Now don’t overthink it. Let’s assume that your partner-prompted relocation is beyond your control and you’re committed to hanging onto your relationship for the long haul. On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being cringeworthy and 3 being idyllic, how would you rate your current or upcoming relocation in each category of the cumulative 10-point Gupte Scale?
The answer may surprise you, especially if you compare it to previous experiences and compare notes with other trailing spouses in your life and through this community. For example, my 2009 move from New York City to Seattle rates a 3/10; my 2019 move from Seattle to Delhi rates a 7/10. Yet most people would assume a domestic move is much easier than an international move — especially for a trailing spouse.
Ha! They would be wrong, at least in my case. (Check back later for that story.) And that’s why this site is committed to sharing adventures and advice from trailing spouses in domestic moves as well as the far more commonly dissected expat experience; we also aim to include the full range of fixed-term, indefinite and permanent relocations.
Where do you fall on the Gupte Scale? Is it where you expected?
